so...yesterday one of my entries got eaten so I'm gonna try again. I got up early, and went to my dermatology appointment.  Got there early and decided to go to the coffee shop across the street that I'm always hearing about and it was great.  Though I'm so used to coffee just being coffee.  Here I had to figure out what kind of hot beverage I wanted (finally decided on just a coffee)...had to pick light, medium, or dark roast (I had know idea so went with medium)..and for fun I wanted to add some flavoring.  I think they had like 50 kinds to choose from.  I dunno.  It seemed like way too many.  I asked their favorites and ended up going with maple spice (at least I think that's what it was)...it was good either way..but I think I could've gone with the dark roast.  Went to the derm appointment...only ended up being in the waiting room 10 minutes or so (usually I expect 1 hour) and then I usually have to wait in one of the offices for another 20+ minutes...this time he saw me first.  So I ended up being in and out of there less then 30 minutes after I walked in.  And as a bonus...he decided not to do the liquid nitro treatment.  He just wants me to soak it in the formalin (formaldehyde) soaks daily for the rest of the year and I'll see him in January sometime.  We'll see how that goes.  I may get my family doctor to sneak a liquid nitro treatment in if I'm not happy with the formalin.  Anyway...was all good.  :)  Took a quick trip into a nearby store and bought a hot water bottle and some burts bees for a friend for xmas and caught the bus home.  Even got home before I thought I'd be in the doctors office.  Imagine that.   I don't remember most of the rest of yesterday.  Except that everything was aggitating me.  Just every little noise...thought...sound.  I contemplated putting in ear plugs for the day and night.  As the day and evening went on it got worse and worse and none of the anti-anxiety meds nor any of the breathing or distraction techniques were working.  I ended up nearly losing it and just ended up not knowing what else to do to stop the anxiety so ended up burning.  It was such a relief.  I didn't have urges to burn or anxiety about burning...not like usual...just the anxiety was so bad and I tried so many things I didn't know what else to try.  I'm kind of bummed out about that....but it is what it is. Today I went to my psychiatry appointment.  She increased the clonazepam to .50mg twice daily to try to get my daily anxiety under control.  Hopefully that will work...but she said we may not be done adjusting the meds yet....neither the clonazepam or the manerix so to just be aware of that.  I told her I am started having thoughts that I am going to die....not that I'm going to kill myself...just that I'm going to die.  I'm still having them.  They are kind of off and on.  I don't like them at all.  Anyway...it's probably related to the anxiety.  After the appointment I went and did my monthly blood work and the lab tech (a girl I went to high school with) said I should have my doctor look at the blood clot in my arm.  She would take blood from that side.  I don't see my doctor until next week so I will mention it my counsellor tomorrow who is a nurse....albeit a mental health nurse...but still a nurse...and see what she says.  She used to work in all different medical areas so I'm sure she's dealt with blood clots from IV's before.  As for the other side and the nerve pain...it hurts to have anything touch that arm...but I think it is getting better...it doesn't seem to snap as much.   Our water got shut off this afternoon.  I freaked and called the landlord.  Turns out the city shut the water off because a water main broke.  Lovely.  Oh well...I thanked her for letting me know and apologized for bothering her.  Water came back on not too long after but it was all dirty....so I ran all the taps for a while.  It helped.  Oddly the water in the toilet and the shower was the worst....but I am not overly concerned.  Just a crap load of sediment and stuff that happens when water gets restarted.  Left a note for my roommate not to be alarmed by it and mom took me to the mall for supper and shopping.  I just really felt anxious and aggitated and tired but I really felt like I needed to get out...so I did.  It worked out.  I got some more Christmas shopping done and managed to get a full bed-skirt for my bed...not one of those crappy ones that's missing material all in the middle so they never stay in place.  Best part was it was 50% off.   Anyway...that's pretty much it to date.  I'm having a hard time but I'm surviving.