okay, i need to stop reading the news...there's too much crazy shit happening around here lately...some of it is avoidable some of it is not.  But I want to share one article that puts a positive spin on mental health issues http://thechronicleherald.ca/Metro/1091489.html  After doing a double take I realized I actually know this guy from my parents church and he's a really cool, really funny guy.  I think it's great what he is doing.   In trying to fight through today's anxiety I've been doing a few things aside from the usual of being in front of the computer...I did the dishes....I know technically my chore right now is the bathroom...but I took what seemed most manageable to me at the time...so the dishes won...usually I'd rather do the bathroom.  But I still don't have proper movement in my arms from the pain I am getting in my veins from the IV's so this was what I had to do.  Hopefully my roommate will understand.  I left a message for my psychiatrist saying she doesn't need to call me back but that I want to make sure we discuss the anxiety issues at tomorrows session because it's a huge issue for me right now and I'm going through ativan like there is no tomorrow and this is with me trying really hard not to use it and suffering with the anxiety until it's too much.  I did take an ativan.  I scratched a lotto ticket that I forgot mom had bought for me and found while I was going through my purse.   I've tried talking to various people on the line just checking in so I don't pull away.  My current anxiety is different from my old anxiety.  My anxiety is not about self harm or dealing with urges to hurt myself.  It's dealing with just life and everyday things and reruns from the day I took the od and just every little thing and thoughts that i'm going to die, but not because i'm going to kill myself, just that i am going to die or that something bad will happen.  All kinds of stuff and I am trying to override it with positive thoughts but it's just not working for me. Anyway...mainly I just wanted to share that article.  I'm going to go figure out what I can do next that is positive and hopefully will accomplish other things that need to be done in the mean time.