I'm trying to wind down for bed now because I have an appointment in the morning with my old counselor....but I'm having anxiety issues.  Today has been okay overall.  I did get on SL for a few minutes and had a few minutes chat with my therapist on there...and started getting anxious because I started feeling like I was reliving last Monday's experiences....maybe flashback I don't know...it was just triggered by looking at the time and realizing that moment a week ago I was barely alive.  It was a weird feeling.  I told her I'd have to wait until tomorrow when I see her to talk about it more because I needed to go to the dentist and I didn't want to be too anxious.  I did still need an ativan...to get out of the house.  The dental stuff went okay but they little cavities ended up turning into bigger cavities then originally thought but whatever.  And I don't know what it is...but there's something about going to the dentist that makes me need to use the washroom (#1) like crazy.  I try not to drink much before I go, and I use the washroom when I get there...but it seems like before we're even halfway done I'm about right to pee my pants....I don't get it....and then I have to get stop the dental session...go to the washroom, walk to and from looking like a lunatic with this dental damn contraption in my mouth and drooling like a dog...(quite the site I tell ya).  Anyway...it happens...next time only enough liquid to swallow my meds and lots of bread....no cereal with milk.  Honestly, I don't know what it is....the dentist does not make me anxious or nervous at all.  It must just be something with the noises or surroundings or something.  *shrugs*  It is kind of funny in a way...but mostly it's annoying.  Still at least one more appointment to go.  I did have issues with spacing out a few times and dissociating...but I don't think they noticed.  I just felt really far away and thought they were different people for a bit...but I didn't say anything.  I wasn't scared or anything so no reason to say anything. After that I pretty much came right home.  Traffic was so bad when we hit the road my bus stop was on that I actually got off the bus a stop early and walked the rest of the way and still made it home before I would've if I had stayed on the bus.  Love when it works that way...hate when you get off and then the traffic starts to move again so the bus passes you while you're still walking.   Had a pretty low key night.  Just hung out and been around online and chilling with my roommate.  I'm tired tonight and took the oxazepam and if i get up or move around i feel the effects....but if i just lay here and close my eyes my thoughts race and I get anxious....so I did take .5 of an ativan and have the other .5 here in case I need it.  I have an appt in the morning and need to get up with enough time to shower and eat so I don't want to be too medicated or drowsy.  Darn anxiety gets in the way.  I could've easily fell asleep at like 7pm....but then I'd be up insanely early. Oh...there was a pedestrian vs dump  truck accident today.  It was bad.  The pedestrian, a 27 year old female, was killed.  It's sad.  http://thechronicleherald.ca/Front/9009414.html Also, the officer who is my sisters good friend (the one who showed up here and took me to the ER 2 weeks ago) was the first on the scene and had to pull the girl out from under the truck.  Can you keep her in your prayers.  I can't imagine how hard that must have been for her and what is going through her mind now.  She is just 29 herself and I don't know about her...but I find things harder to deal with when it happens to someone near my age.  I am sure she would appreciate all prayers.  I know she is a Christian. I need to go try to wind down and get some sleep.  There's just so much going on in my head that's making it hard to do.