so apparently all this is is a pity party...as i'm told...so that's it...i can't even write in my own fucken journal anymore.  i'm not expecting anyone to read or respond, just trying to get all the fucked up thoughts outta my head...but apparently that's too much.  so...this is it from this fucked up, no good, beyond help girl...and yeah the beyond help part comes from the psych team here.   I tried to get help.  I am trying to get out of this fucken depression and fight it every day...looking for something to be positive about...reminding myself others are way worse off and that i shouldn't feel the way i do.  All that does is make me feel like more of a horrible person for feeling that way and not being able to snap out of it.  So that said...anything further that i write i will keep totally private...and that's if i even bother to write anymore...since i'm so beyond help and so worthless that i might as well stop trying to help myself by getting this stuff outta my head.  Uggghhhh.  I'm sorry for being such a fucked up pain lately.  I'm sorry for being me.  I won't bother none of ya anymore.