can't do this anymore...i want to be dead so bad...i shouldn't be writting it here..or anywhere...i should just do it...get it over with...i'm suppose to be dead anyway...that's what they tell me...so why the fuck am i still here... UGGHHH FUCK  sorry i'm such a waste of space...is this a cry for help...i dunno...i doubt there's any help out there in this screwed up world for me....i'm beyond help...hospital admision of hospital admission has proved that to me.  I just can't do this anymore...i don't have the strength left in me to even try anymore