I felt so happy and strong earlier.  Even 10 minutes ago I felt okay.  Now I'm not.  I came across some things I wrote when I was 14-17 (maybe a year or two older than that even) and it's scary.  Beautifully written, but scary.  I didn't think it would bother me and it didn't at first.  But then I got an email from a friend that I sent an email to earlier.  The husband part of my friends that are having their marital problems and that sent me into a tailspin.  I just feel like such a useless person and no good for anything.  He didn't say anything at all that was bad or hurtfull, in fact he thanked me for being a friend to his wife and for being there for her.  Thing is I don't feel like I've been there for her nearly enough...and I know I'm not a very good support.  I feel like such a failure as a human being.  I feel like I'm worthless and no good for anything.  I know again all these feelings are lies, they are not based on any truth that anyone has told me...only the truth that I see myself as but yet I can't seem to see myself in any positive way right now...even though 10 minutes ago I felt absolutely peachy keen.  What the hell is wrong with me.  How was I able to feel happy such a sort time ago?  I am crying so hard now and want to give into the temptations, the urges, because I feel like the world would be a better place without me.  I don't know if I can fight this...it is so strong in me right now.  I want to just crawl up into a ball and die.  I know this is horrible...I know I shouldn't be thinking or feeling this way...and yet I feel like I am powerless to stop it.  What am I suppose to do...?