at my parents still...definitely need to get stuff done (laundry) so I can head back to the city... suppose to decrease my Celexa today to 20mg but I am too scared to...I don't think I can handle it right now...I can't stop the thoughts that tell me I'm better of dead...I am trying to but they just take over...I picked up the phone twice to call my psychiatrist...but I got voicemail both times and I can't bring myself to leave a message.  I don't know what to do.  Maybe I will stay at 40mg a bit longer.  I don't think I can handle more withdrawal right now on top of how I am feeling. Yesterday was the first day that I barely felt the withdrawal symptoms.  There...I just took it, 40mg. I didn't take any oxazepam last night...but I did take a double dose of benedryl.  Partially to sleep, partially because my allergies were acting up.   There...just called my psychiatrist and actually left a message and let her know I am not ready to decrease the Celexa today.   Well...it's almost 2pm so I should get on with my day.  I haven't left my room here yet and I really need to get that laundry done.  Blah...anyone want to do laundry for me?  *sigh* I just want to be knocked out for a few days and wake up and feel better and have everything be done...but things don't work that way.  I'm sorry for being such a pain.  I just don't know how to snap myself out of this.  I should be able to...I should know how to by now.