i had almost a whole entry written out and my computer decided out of nowhere to restart....ugghhh!!! anyway....i'm home...yay!   So sick of the hospital...it didn't do anything for me really this time...except succeed in making me feel like they use some sort of reverse psychiatry to make me go crazier so that I actually do end up killing myself and stop wasting their time.  But lets not go there. I went straight from the hospital to my appointment with my psychiatrist.  The nurse was nice enough to give me a taxi chit and that worked well so that I could drop all my stuff off at home while the taxi cab waited for me outside.  My building is literally on the way from one place to the other...so it wasn't a problem.  Heyhey...free transportation for me...the hospital gets to pay that $13...lol.  There's lots of changes being made.  My celexa is being decreased now with hopes that in a month I will be able to start a new medication...Manarex...or however it is spelt.   She also said she'd like to put me on mood stabalizers (Lamictal or similar) but can't because most of them have a chance of affecting the white blood cells and so that's a no go for me.  My body just makes everything more complicated.   That also rules out a lot of meds that are used for sleep.  We do plan in the future to see if there is something other then oxazepam since i've build up a tolerance to it...but we are going to wait until after the main medication is switched around. Other changes....she's putting in a referral for me to see a psychologist for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy...i think)...I asked about DBT (dialetical behavior therapy) but apparently no one here is trained in it sufficiently enough to offer that as an option.  We're a bit behind here I guess.  I also will have a referral put in for a spiritual care worker....not sure exactly what that entails but we'll see...I want the opportunity to "feel" that out...and see what it is exactly.  And one other referral into the 6 week hospital day treatment program....I've done it before but might do it again maybe in January or something.  We'll see.  I still am working with my rehab specialist through disability and she said I should hear this week from an Occupational Therapist and probably meet her next week.  And the personal trainer is being put aside for now....which was something I was kind of interested in learning more about but apparently the OT can cover some of that anyway. So trying....trying hard....to just take it one day at a time and look forward to the changes an hold of on doing anything drastic.  But honestly I so just want to give in and take a large overdose of ........... not going to say which med(s).  But I know it would work in my case...albeit not quickly or easily. Anyhow...I'm home...I'm alive still...take that as you will