i can't stop...i can't do anything or i need to do it all...i've been cutting on my stomach and my wrist...i want to keep going...i went out to the kitchen and saw a note from my roommate asking me to do dishes...but all i can think when i am out there is what knife is the sharpest and will do the most damage...even going so far as to try some of them out...this is not good...  I took an ativan and 4 extra strength tylenol...and the only reason i stopped at 4 is because i ran out of juice and i don't want to go back to the kitchen...besides...tylenol is an awful way to try and die....been there done that...and don't really want to again...it just doesn't work and makes you feel so awful that wish you shot yourself instead.  I dunno what to do.  If I had a gun I'm sure I'd have used it.  I've got such an awful headache and even those 4 tylenol have done nothing to relief it even slightly.  My shoulder still hurts.  My joints don't very much anymore.  I'm such a loser.  I don't even know what got me feeling this bad....nothing that I can figure out.  But I know one thing...the world would be better of if I wasn't in it....but I'm too much of a screw-up to even get the solution to that one right.  *hmpf*