how is it that i could feel so good yesterday and so awful today....i don't understand...I was so happy for a few days and had more then my usual energy level and was getting things done, today I just feel like hiding from the world and like i should rid the world of my existance.  To the point I've actually thought about taking an overdose...but then I remember all the times I've tried before and failed....and how miserable that was.  2 appts got cancelled this week....i'm relieved about that.  Tomorrows appt is in the evening and it's with my online therapist....and Wednesdays appt is early in the morning with dermatology...but that's it this week.  So I just need to make it through those too appts and then I can do whatever until the weekend.  At some point over the weekend I will head out to my parents house for a few nights as Monday is our Thanksgiving holiday here in Canada.  I just hope by then I am feeling more thankful and less aggitated.  I don't know if this is pms or just my usual problems coming up or a mix of both.  It's only been a week or so since I've been out of hospital so it wouldn't surprise me if this is just a continuation of before.  Blah.  I dunno.  I want to give in so bad...I need to do something to stop this.  Wonder how much meds it would take to knock me out for a day or two...or maybe I should give into the cutting afterall.  I'm already so ugly, worthless, and disgusting anyway....what's another few scars going to matter.  I dunno why I even bother.