totally lost it this morning and while my friend was out to see her daughter i told my roommate how i was doing and that i can't do another night here....so as soon as my friend's ride comes to get her so that she can spend the night somewhere else then I am on my way to the hospital.  i want to give into the od'ing so much i don't even care.  i want someone to shoot a gun through our window and strike me dead....if i had a gun or knew were to get one...i'd probably do it...but i know there is a tiny part somewhere that doesn't and that's why i need to get help.  and i can't wait another day....it's hard enough just waiting the hours until i can just go and be safe...i'm no longer safe on my own.  so if you don't see anything from me thats because i'm at the hospital....it's my last option right now.