i know i didn't like it the other day taking 2 ativan but i just did again...i don't know what else to do...i already took my sleep meds and they haven't been doing anything....and i just feel so keyed up.  I don't know if i want anything to do with God right now or life...I just want this crap to be over.  i don't know how i'm ever going to sleep, i just feel like punching the lights outta anyone who comes near me right now...thankfully for those around me theyh're both sound asleep.  I tried going on second life to talk to a few  people there but that just made me more worked up and aggitated and mad...and i didn't even know it was possible.  i feel like downing all the meds i have on hand right now...but i know i don't have enough to be fatal so i'd just end up feelig like crap.  Used to think nothing could feel worse then this awful depression but not succeeding an overdose definitely doesn't feel good.  been there done that too many times to count.  i don't even care about the cutting anymore...i just want something that will kill me and well...i know that won't either.  i don't know how but somehow i'm going to have to try to find a way to sleep becasue i am sleeping in hte living room tonight right and my roommate is up super early usually around 5am if not before....and our livingroom...is also the walkway to the kitchen so i will likely get woken up then.  ***UGGGHHHHH***