no one except my psychiatrist has bothered calling me back...and she thinks the hospital might not be a bad idea but is leaving it up to me...if i go i gotta go through the ER and i really don't have it in me right at the moment...besides right at this very second i don't hae the energy to act on any urges i have. i talked to my mom, told her i might go to the hospital...she's not impressed because this is my sisters bday weekend...though she did in the end say if tha'ts what i need then go ahead.  I dunno...I feel like i'll be letting everyone down if i go into the hospital.   Also have two appts tomorrow that i would screw up if i end up in hospital...so jmuch to figure out.  i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't... i need to stop thinking...this is stressing me out more...i just don't know what to do and i don't want to give in....i just can't handle things anymore and i don't have much left in me to keep fighting with.