OMGosh I am so freakin exhausted.  I don't want to move for the next month...lol.  Talked to my psychiatrist and she said to keep doing what I am doing and give the meds more time...up to another 4 weeks so that we can say I've given it a fair try.  She said it sometimes takes 6 weeks to notice any effect and it's only been 2 weeks at this dose.  She did refill my ativan for the meantime and to keep doing what I am doing that is positive...writing in here, trying to eathily and regularly (or at least somewhat), still keeping appointments, not spend too much time in my room, keeping distracting, and to continue looking at volunteering opportunities.  Doesn't sound like much but most of those things right now are a chore and it's exhausting to even do those things.  I've said before it's only by God's strength I"m even still breathing...because I don't think I even have the energy for that half the time.  Anyway..overall the appointment went ok.  Had to wander around for a bit and kill time between appointments.  So managed to walk for awhile and then treated myself to lunch and read some of the devotionals in the book I'm reading and then went to my regular doctors appointment.  I didn't realize it had been 6 weeks since I saw her last...that's awesome.  Usually I see her ever 2 weeks on average...so that is good. And everything with that appointment went well.  Everything that needed to get done got done and more so it's all good.  I imagine next time I go back will probably to get the flu shot and review the blood work that I'm going to be getting done.  Getting lots done this next time.  I'll either get it done tomorrow, Thursday or sometime next week.  I have to fast for it so we'll see.  Maybe tomorrow depending on what time I get up.  If I get up early enough I might.  I'm babbling again aren't I...anyway...after that appointment had to go to the pharmacy/grocery store and get a prescription filled and pick up a few things.  Managed to keep it under $20 for everything so not so bad that was the goal.  And then got the bus home.  Anyway....that is pretty much literally my day....trying to find things to be positive about.  Oh something cook was when I got off the bus and was walking home I looked up and the only cloud in the sky looked like a "kiss"  you know those lipstick kisses you see on cards or in the movies....like that...and I thought...oh, God's kissing my check.  Hehe...and then as soon as I thought that it changed and looked nothing like it anymore.  It was cool.