I want to give into the urges.  I really want to.   My day started off pretty good and I know what is triggering me.  So I am fighting the urges.  I got back to my place in the city late last night...stayed there at my parents probably a day too long but oh well..survived.  Today got up at around 10am or so and got breakfast and hung out with my roommate for a bit before she left for the weekend.  Then had a shower and got ready and went to my dentist appointment.  They were rulling out whether I needed a root canal or not.  Looks like NOT...yay!  But they did all kinds of different tests and one of them was for cold sensitivity and boy that made me jolt.  I was not expecting that.  Then they did some sort of test were they froze the gums and then used an electrical current to see how aggitated the tooth was.  That wasn't too bad.  And they xrayed...not too big of a deal except for those stupid things you have to bite down on....they hurt if not positioned right.  Anyway...got through it.  They decided they need to take out the filling I have and put in a new one because there is a small cavity under the filling.  Ugghhh.  Oh well...if it gets rid of some of the sensitivity it will be worth it.  So next Friday we do that.  At least todays appointment was free.  The next 3/4 appts will be were it costs the money.  My teeth are putting me further in debt but I want to get them done before they become bigger problems and cost even more money so that's what I'll do.  Ended up stopping at the bank on the way home and then decided to go to my friends house and they invited me to stay for supper.  So I did. My friends...I love them dearly...all 3 of them and the cats...lol.  My friend and her husband and their 2 year old daughter...they're all my friends.  Anyway, the main one that I will refer to as friend is her...to make easier.  She says she's done with praying and everything and she's tempted to go out and cheat on her husband...and she's been flirting with a guy at work and is very interested in him.  He knows she's married but has still tried to kiss her...she said she pulled away but wants him to kiss her.  Now she won't stop talking to him and is like a school girl with a crush...and basically she is playing with fire and she knows it.  She was talking with him on msn most of the afternoon and then when they were done talking asked me if it was wrong...I said yes...she said...well it's not because we're just talking...i said it's your intentions that are wrong and then left it at that.  We had already talked about this the other day and I encouraged her to speak to someone about her marriage, preferrably a christian, because there is only so much i can say.  I can only say my thoughts and beliefs...I don't have experience to speak on...I've never been married nor anywhere close...or even in a relationship close enough to deal with these things.  I reminded her she is married and has a child and that that her decisions here don't just affect her...and also that I am not going to encourage her choices if they are unfaithful to her husband.  Now having said all this I don't agree with some of the things her husband does in their marriage either.  He is exceptionally strict with what she is and isn't aloud to do, and who she can and can't hang out with, and well as with his daughter.  I quite often think it falls not only under disrespect but at times under emotional and even occassionally physical abuse and today say him push his daughter after she pushed the cat.  I felt very uncomfortable there today but didn't feel comfortable to say much of anything either.  They are making plans within the next few months to move across the country so he can attend school and work towards becoming a minister and the way I see things going right now is like they are going to crumble and I know I need to say something more to her...and maybe even something to him....but I don't know what...or how much.  All I can think for my friend is that she is now playing with fire....and for him...i don't even know what, if anything to say...but i feel like since he is my friend he should know about what his wife is doing...but since she's my friend i need to keep silent...and I am feeling trapped.  I don't know what to do...and so I want to cut...because it's something...but at the same time I know it won't accomplish anything.   There were good things about being there...it's not that i didn't enjoy their company it's just that it was awkward.  But their little girl was pretty much glued to me from the time she saw me until she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore.  She literally fell asleep for bed on my lap. I love her so much. She's such a darling.  Anyway...I don't know what else to say...I should go knock myself out with some sleeping meds before I have a chance to think too much....or...do anything stupid...