I don't want to complain...but this just hurts.  I'm so tired of the effort it even takes to breath and I just feel like my body is lead and so uncooperative.  It was all I could do to get a shower and throw a frozen dinner in the microwave.  I've slept most of the day and still feel I could sleep more but figure it's in my best interest to at least stay up a couple more hours.  So I moved my stuff to the living room.  My roommate isn't home anyway....but I'm forcing myself to not hide in my room right now.  I've been having thoughts somewhere along the line of I'd be better off dead.  I'm not at a point I'm about to act on it...I don't think I have the energy to attempt things even if I was at that point.  Questioning whether I need to make use of my hospital protocol but I don't really think it's necessary unless I thought I was at the point of hurting myself.  They can't do anything that isn't already being done anyway.  I just have to wait and hope the med increase does it's thing...but that will take time.  I"m having a hard time today seeking God's will in things.  I keep trying but I just can't seem to get anywhere.  All I can say is I'm doing my best to put it in His hands and have faith.  I know it's only because of His strength I've gotten this far.  And I know their must be a reason for me to be feeling this way...but I don't know...I'm so tired and just want to feel happy and like myself again..or at the very least like I can function somewhat normally.