I don't want to complain...but this just hurts. I'm so tired of the effort it even takes to breath and I just feel like my body is lead and so uncooperative. It was all I could do to get a shower and throw a frozen dinner in the microwave. I've slept most of the day and still feel I could sleep more but figure it's in my best interest to at least stay up a couple more hours. So I moved my stuff to the living room. My roommate isn't home anyway....but I'm forcing myself to not hide in my room right now. I've been having thoughts somewhere along the line of I'd be better off dead. I'm not at a point I'm about to act on it...I don't think I have the energy to attempt things even if I was at that point. Questioning whether I need to make use of my hospital protocol but I don't really think it's necessary unless I thought I was at the point of hurting myself. They can't do anything that isn't already being done anyway. I just have to wait and hope the med increase does it's thing...but that will take time. I"m having a hard time today seeking God's will in things. I keep trying but I just can't seem to get anywhere. All I can say is I'm doing my best to put it in His hands and have faith. I know it's only because of His strength I've gotten this far. And I know their must be a reason for me to be feeling this way...but I don't know...I'm so tired and just want to feel happy and like myself again..or at the very least like I can function somewhat normally.
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Hi,
I\'ve been blessed to follow your progress over the past while ... and while it is difficult, at best, right now, I want you to be encouraged by knowing that the Lord is there, most especially right now, when you cannot feel him.
You need to know that you are absolutely right... It is ONLY through the Lord that you have been able to make it thus far... continue to cling to Him with every living breath and when this is behind you, you will be able to look at it and KNOW that he is more powerful than anything that the enemy is throwing at you. God knows what your absolute limit is and He will not allow this to go beyond that line.
I know that right now you are in incredible pain all over, Ive been where you are and Ive had that time where my entire body ached from my mental anguish. The enemy is using this to make you suffer as much as he can to make you turn your back on Him. The enemy would rather see you cut or kill yourself and feel defeated enough to turn your back on Him and he\'s convinced that he can do it.... I have to admit that the other day when you were appearing to turn your back to the Lord, my spirit was crying out for you. But still I held my peace knowing that there was more to come, although I was frightened for you.
The enemy means you no good but when you take this and put it in the Lords hands, you are ultimately taking the control from the Enemy and giving it over to the Lord allowing Him to work in His ultimate strength..
I can\'t pretend to know your life or situation or what the Lord is going to do with you, but I sense that the Lord is preparing to do great things with you and this is part of that process. Once you get this behind you, the enemy will have nothing left on you. I feel so confident in your ability to withstand this only because He is there.
I have this question in my heart and Ill pose it for you to query as well... \"Why is this happening to you with such great force...? Why is a woman who believes in Jesus Christ as her Atoner and Saviour; a woman who is praying His Name over the situation; who is calling on pastoral care and godly Christian women for support and advice and who believes in the power of the Almighty God to purify and cleans her body: Why is this happening to you, why are you being attacked so strongly?
I am no prophet, and I have no particular insight, I just have a feeling in my heart after having quietly followed your story over the past few weeks. I believe that the Lord has great plans for you, He will use you to do many great things in His Name and I believe that the Enemy can sense it and he wants to do anything and everything within his power to resist you while he thinks he still has a chance to do so.
So, again I encourage you to continue to act in His strength and know that He is God and he will never forsake you. He is your strength when you have no strength, he is your hope when you have no hope and he is your peace when you have no peace. I look forward to the post that I know in my heart I will see, when you write that the Lord has cleansed you of this and when you find out how He will be using you.
I pray the Lords blessing upon you and I pray for your continued faith in Him. Remember, Faith has nothing to do with how you feel. The writer of Hebrews says in 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Nowehere in this verse does the word feeling or emotion come into play I would encourage you to spend time focused on this verse and how it plays into your life.
The enemy has no quarter over you, He is your commander and saviour cling to him.
be blessed,
me.