Yesterday I was feeling awful and lost.  In an attempt to get away from those feelings I over medicated.  Used Ativan to knock me out through the day....and took a little extra of my sleeping meds at night and a couple Benedryl to make sure I really slept.  Needless to say I'm not very happy with myself right...but right now I deserve every second of unhappiness I have put on myself.  Maybe I'm just not good enough for this "christian" walk.  Maybe that's why yesterday I felt so lost and couldn't find God again.  He doesn't really want me.