I've been feeling like I'm being flooded with the depression stuff again.  Every time I start getting back on track I feel like I fall so much further behind.  Just last week everything was going well.  I was even getting ready to apply for a job and had the okay from my rehab specialist.  Now this week...it's amazing that I am even getting out of bed.  I can barely function.  I feel like my body is made of lead and that I am wadding through a world of molasses.  My body hurts...it's so much effort just to breath from this depression.  I'm crying about every little thing.  Like today I was getting a bowl of cereal...and I dropped a bottle of molasses into the filled up bowl sending cereal and salba seeds flying everywhere.  It's stupid...I did my best to clean it up but things like that just set the tears going even more.  I feel useless.  I'm even at a point were I am questioning my faith.  Well...sort of.  I know I believe in God...but I don't know anymore if I have it in me to follow.  I'm not sure right now if I want anything to do with any of that or not.  Seems like whenever I get on track with my faith and start making an effort to improve my relationship with God that things get so much harder and I just don't have it in me to fight this battle anymore.  I know it's part of how it is...but I just don't think I can do it anymore.I can't help but think maybe this life would be better off over.  But I know it's not true...it's just how I feel right now.  Still I can't help wonder how much longer I can fight the urges to take an overdose or get a blade and start cutting again.  So what if it's been 70 days since I last cut.  I don't know if I care.I keep reading my bible...hoping I'll find something sort of answer...but I'm not sure I'll find one anywhere.  I won't be surprised if at this rate I land myself in the hospital within the week.Sorry for a depressing entry...just need to get it out of my head....far too much crap in my head right now.