The living situation is still great.  I love it here and my friend and I are getting along great.  We had one moment...not were we didn't get along...but were there a moment of tension and we were able to talk and pray through it.  It's awesome and I am definitely learning and growing a lot being here. However, I am feeling sad inside.  A season of my life is dying away and I am grieving.  I know spring is soon approaching and there is going to be new life and tremendous growth in the time to come.  I'm not sure if I'm ready and strong enough to let go of the past and move on into the future.  I think maybe that is why I feel like I"m spinning and don't know in what direction I need to go.   There are so many things I am unsure of and need to figure out in the next few months...and some of it is going to require that I take a leap of faith and trust totally in God.  Things like returning to work....that gives me huge anxiety nearly everytime I think of it now.  I know I am ready to return to work...somewhere....but where I am not sure.  I think/feel I may be hanging onto my job at the hospital for the wrong reasons.  Working there was my dream since childhood...and I obtained that dream...but I don't know that's where I am really suppose to be.  I feel now I am hanging onto the hospital for the wrong reasons....for the health benefits and for the job security...it's become a safe-zone so to speak.  I may not have been working for the last 2 years but because of being off medically I am guaranteed a position somewhere in the hospital when I have the all clear to return.  But what if that isn't where I am suppose to be.  Maybe I need to take a leap of faith elsewhere...and I just don't know where.  Blind faith.  It's like being on the edge of a cliff and being told to step over the edge and just trust that somehow you won't fall...that someone or something will catch you....or that there will be an invisible bridge.  But taking that first step...not truly knowing whether you are going to be safe or plumut to your death is rather terrifying.   Anyway, that's what's on my mind these days...and it's definitely challenging me.  But I am tryijng hard to not let it depress me.  God is going to use me somehow in His time...and I can't let Satan sneak his attacks in...not in any way, shape, or form.  And that is what's happening with all this doubt and anxiety...or at least that's what I believe.   What else have I been up to these days?  Hmm...not a lot really.  I can't remember what I wrote about last though I know it was on Wednesday.  The mall was depressing...but that was because I didn't know what my money situation was so I couldn't seem to enjoy looking for anything.  I'm just not cut out for window shopping.  So it kind of screwed with my moods.  Then Thursday....hmmm...to be honest...I have no idea what I did Thursday...maybe it was Thursday I went to the mall?...  No I'm sure it was Wednesday.  Oh Thursday...I don't know what I did all day but my roommate rented a movie...and we sat down to watch it and ended up chatting away instead.  It was good.  A wonderful bonding.  God has really blessed us both in so many ways and it is a miracle that this situation even happened. Friday (yesterday) I went for a massage.  I have been having tension headaches and so no surprise when I went for my massage she found a bunch of knots along the sides of my spine from about the middle of my back right up to my neck.  I feel bruised today...but in a good way.  Today has been raining...but a summer cleansing rain.  And so my roommate and I watched the movie she rented.  I think we are soon going to finish watching another movie we started a few days ago...unless we chat and pray again.   I'm just feeling a bit down...but it's not a bad thing.  Emotions are good and I need to learn to cope with the good and the bad.  I'm not angry (but using it as an example)...even anger isn't a bad emotion...it's how you react to it.  Even Jesus experienced anger.