9:47am and I still haven't slept.  I'm sleepy...but debating trying to stay up and then go to bed early tonight.  Not sure if I can do that though.  Hmm...we will see. I am feeling a million times better then the last entry. Last night on SL someone gave their testimony and it was about addictions.  There's was a different addiction...but I just used what she was saying and replaced with cutting...and it was basically my story.  I sent a message to someone else there that I trust and confided in her and we chatted for a bit and then she asked me to call her because she wanted to pray.  So I did...and she told me some things that really helped me and praying really helped.  I feel so blessed and not so heavy anymore.   I was really beginning to feel the depression closing in from being inside, in my room so much lately.   So it was wonderful. I talked to mom this morning and told her a bit about last night and this morning.  I didn't tell her I gave into the cutting and cut once...but she knows I struggle with it..that is my "addiction" so to speak.  And I told her I talked to someone last night and called them and she prayed and how much better I was feeling.  And mom said to me she was surprised how well I'm doing with being in the house so long and isolated.  She more or less said she's surprised I'm not in the hospital by now...and to be honest I am too.  I thought I was gonna keep going downhill until I had to end up in hospital...in order for things to turn around.  But God is faithful and He provides...we just need to learn to trust Him.  And I admit I still don't completely.  But reaching out to someone else who does and talking to them really did help.  Helped refocus my thoughts onto God and not get stuck thinking about all the crap.  Kick that mean old devil in the @$$.  Hehe. I told her I don't swear normally...but that I have been cursing at the devil to get the f* away from me.  But then she reminded me...after you done cursing at the devil make sure to call on the Lord to send His angels down.  I was like...yeah totally I need to do that too.  I never thought about it.  And really it is so simple.   Anyhow...I'm sorta babbling...that's what happens when I'm both tired and happy.  Anyway...I just needed to write about how well I'm feeling.  And let ya know the devil didn't win nothing.  It was one little cut...and I'm not getting stuck in that fight.  My God is more powerful then that....so this is just a battlewound.  :D