i refuse to say i'm feeling bad right now....i'm not giving into that place... i'm tired so hopefully sleep will soon come....the problem is that i'm also feeling anxious tonight...i'm blaming it on time of the month but i keep getting teary and upset and my brain won't shut off....and i get all panicky for no good reason....so I took an Ativan to see if I can take the edge off.  It's been a couple months since I've taken even one....so we'll see.  Tonight is a no sleeping pill night so that doesn't make it any easier...that's partly why I decided to take the Ativan.  It's similar to my sleep med but milder....so it might at least help me relax a bit.  Drifting off into dreamland will be an added bonus. My friend Kim is suppose to be coming over in the afternoon for a movie.  We're not sure yet what we're watching but it's sure to be a good time.  After today's emotional day it will be nice to just sit down and veg with good company.  Jay and I are still chatting just about every day.  Things there are going well.  We still haven't met.  Timing just doesn't seem to be working out but I'm not worried.  He's already really understanding about my energy issues and health issues.  He stayed online a little longer tonight because I told him I was having a cranky day.  I kept telling him it was okay to go to bed but he was being silly and making me smile....so it was nice. Well, I should go.  My mind is way too active right now so I'm going to shut down the computer (gasp) and maybe see if I can dig out one of my copies of the bible.  It's been far too long since I've read any of them except for the odd verse online.  There's just something about opening the word in paper copy though that is special and more meaningful.   Oh, need to ask Him to take my anxious thoughts too.  Maybe that would help.  Mental note....stop being so stubborn and trying to do it all on your own.