uhmmm....did I say I was going to bed....like 4.5 hours ago?  Opps. Mental note: don't eat chocolate covered coffee beans before bedtime Yeah, that was my brilliant moment.  I wasn't really thinking and in my gift from a friend the other day I got a bunch of different Asian candies....one small box of which was chocolate covered coffee beans.  I decided to try one expecting to hate it because I've hated them ever since I can remember.  I used to find them nauseatingly disgusting.  Well, surprise...I actually liked them and not thinking polished of the box.  Not to mention a few other chocolate goodies as well.   Bad girl, bad girl. Anyway, being awake has gotten me to thinking.  Thinking about lots of different things.  I'll probably forget half them before I write them.   Thought #1, I have decided I want to look into some refresher courses for work (computer programs, like excel, access, how to write up letters, interview skills, phone etiquette, etc.  Being off work I've lost so much confidence in my ability to do my line of work.  The thought of returning (whenever that'll be) terrifies me.  Even going through an interview process to volunteer somewhere terrifies me.   So I'm going to see if my psychiatrist can get me back in touch with my old Occupational Therapist and see if we can find something that will help me.   Thought #2, and I think I'm going to turn this one into a goal.  I've had it as a goal in the past (not on here) but I didn't quite make it.  I've done a lot of surface damage to myself over the years.  Stupid cutting and burning.  That's not something I want to associate with anymore.  I want to look into cosmetic procedures to reduce the appearance of the scaring.  I know I'll always have scars but I think if anything can be done to help with the appearance that it would help with my self-image.  However, I know that I still struggle at times with those habits so I am going to make it a goal to not cut or burn for 1 year.  I figure if I can make it that long then I will deserve that step.  I don't think I cut since I was out of the hospital in Feb, but I am going to make the goal one year from March 15 since I know for a fact I haven't cut since before then. Thought #3: I think I know kind of what direction I want to take in my education.  Well, there is still a few things I want to do.  But there a number of obsticals in my way still.  One being my health.  Still need to get that straightened out or figured out or something. The other obsticals are that part of what I want to do involves going out of province to school.  I'm not in a position right now, mentally, physically, financially, etc to even think about that.  I am thinking of a couple things.  The one I'd have to go away for is Art Therapy, complicating matters I would want to take it at a Christian school and the only one I can find in Canada is on the other side of the Country.  We'll wait on that.  The other thing (I think) that I want to do is maybe look into becoming a Social Worker.  Ha, that terrifies the crap outta me.  But it would help a lot in what I want to eventually do which is open (help open) a drop in centre for people with mental health disorders and also for those who are (or are at risk of being) homeless...the catch for this is I want it to have a Biblical influence or Christian basis.  And the other courses I'm interested in are all in the Human Services field which might overlap with the Social work stuff.  So much to think about.  However as I said before I am not in a position to move forward beyond research at this time.  So at this rate I'll be old and grey before all this happens...lol. See, I said I would forget what else I was thinking about.  I know there was more.   I guess that's probably a lot of big thoughts as it is.  Now we'll try to shut the brain activity down a few notches so I can grab some sleep....*sigh*...looks at the clock and realizes it's almost 5am.  I look forward to waking up to a day of cleaning the litter box (my roommate went away without cleaning it and it reaks), gathering and taking out trash and compost (ick), cleaning my room some, doing some more laundry, and maybe if there's any energy left getting outside to enjoy some of what is suppose to be a nice day.