I've been realizing I need to make some changes in my life.  I've been living my life how I want to, focused on me and what I want and on how I feel and on my needs....but I should instead be living how God wants me to live and focus on what He wants, how He feels, and on His needs.  I'm His child and need to start honoring Him and respecting Him.  The last few months especially I've been horrible...I've been completely defiant and disrespectful.  I've hurt myself and in turn I've hurt Him.  I need to start respecting myself and my body if I'm going to truly respect my Father, my Creator.  I have horrible scars and I am ashamed of them.  The newest ones especially.  I've been too proud (not in a good way) to admit my faults and ask forgiveness...instead I've just let myself feel miserable about it but not do anything about it.  I need to spend some good quality time with my Father.  It's been too long.  I think if I start focusing on Him then things will improve...but that sounds selfhish.  I need to learn not to do this for myself, but to worship Him selflessly.  I think that was the right word.  I think you know what I mean.  I've got to start going to church again.  I need to get involved with people who have the same beliefs and become strong in my faith.  I'm ashamed to admit a few months ago I wanted very little to do with it at all.  This has not been an easy decision...deciding to live for God...for some people it might come easy but not for me.  I'm not sure if its the borderline personality disorder....or just that I seem to be really easily swayed away from my faith when things start getting depressing.  That's when I need to learn to stay with my  faith the most but I almost always get off track.  I guess I wander and get lost.  Thankfully He's always watching out for me even when I don't think I want Him too.  I think He's got one of His Angel's keeping an extra close eye on me.  I think He's got His Angel's watching over many of you as well.  ***HUGS***  everyone.  Take care.