i took an ativan and it's helped me chill out a bit.  i'm a wreck tonight.  Sorry for my entries lately.  They are just small representations of the crap that goes on in my head.  I see my counselor...mental health nurse...i dunno what i'm suppose to call her...tomorrow.  I will let her know how things are.  Actually thinking of printing off some of my entries to give her a better idea of what's going on in this head.  My luck I'll get there and be fine the whole time...and when I'm fine...I have a hard time conveying how bad things really are.  Likewise when I'm not doing well...have a hard time conveying the good things.  It's like theres a disconnect there or something.  I dunno.  I really don't know what to do anymore.  How does one take a break from themselves in a healthy way?  I really don't know how to do such a thing.  I only know how to take a "break from myself" in self destructive ways.  I feel like I should be locked up...for like a month...but that isn't how it works here.  Especially not when you have borderline personilty disorder.  I'm not entirely sure being in hospital would be helpful anyway.  I was just in there for a couple days a couple weeks ago....and look at me now.  Somehow I've got to figure this one out on my own.  But I don't know if I got it in me.