I don't belong anywhere, I don't fit in... I went out to see my new great step-niece Hannah and all the rest of my family tonight. For once I actually decided to put an effort into how I looked and dressed. No one noticed or cared. Then everyone got offered a round of drinks (tea, coffee, juice, water, beer) and I got left out. Anytime I said anything I was ignored. No one wanted to have their picture with me. No one really wanted anything to do with me. It's like I'm invisible. Apparentely I don't matter...because I'm not a real person. And it wasn't like everyone was fussing over the baby...I mean they were, but everyone was interacting with each other...except me. The few times anyone did pay attention to me it was to treat me like a little kid. When my nieces who are both younger then me, get treated like adults because they are mothers. So apparently the only way to be accepted in this family is to be a baby or a parent. I give up. What's the point in trying?! Oh, I know I'm behind on commenting to a lot of entries on here. I promise I will get to them. Just right now I"m too upset.
Replies
I\'m so sorry that you got left out. It\'s especially hurtful when it\'s with family. But I\'m so proud of you for trying! If anything that\'s the real victory. If they don\'t notice then it\'s their loss, but you can rest easy knowing that you are trying your hardest. Way to go! I wish I had your courage!
Maybe they are afraid of your illness, and they really can\'t relate, so they avoid you so that they don\'t say the wrong thing by accident.
Years ago before I had teenagers of my own, I was afraid to engage them in conversation, then God (who has a funny sense of humor) Made me a youth minister! The point is that I did not know what to say, so I made a point of staying away from teens. It could be the same thing, they don\'t understand your illness, and that is all they see, not the wonderful person who is Nicolle. Be proud you stepped out of your comfort zone and made a real effort, that takes courage, don\'t let them take that victory away from you!
Nan