i feel a tiny bit better then earlier...got through the event and even managed to help a fair bit...so that was good.  I dont' feel like i let anyone down.  I'm still feeling very overwhelmed and far away from reality...in a bit of dreamworld almost.  Even though things are feeling crappy i did notice that my earlier red face was the first one in over 1 month.  That is progress i think...but i am worried that i may be headed for a downswing.  I need to get through december...past the holidays before i can let myself fall apart.  i need to keep staying strong but i don't know if i can be strong much longer...i'm already buckling under the pressure.  it's only a matter of time before i collapse...and i so don't want that to happen.  maybe tmorrow i will call my counselor and/or psychiatrist.  i need all the support i can get this time of year.