Feeling a little off tonight.  I didn't get to do any decorating.  Mom decided she wanted me to take pictures and put stuff online to sell so I just finished up doing that now.  Well, all that I can do for now.  You can only post so many items per day and I hit my limit.  My moods are mostly good but my thoughts aren't cooperating.  I've been having a lot of feelings and urges to hurt myself...both cutting and od'ing.  I am getting random thoughts out of nowhere that I should die...that I should kill myself...and it is really starting to bother me.  I don't understand why if I'm feeling good that I'm having these thoughts and urges.  It doesn't make sense.  I almost feel a calling towards the things I shouldn't do and it's taking a lot of energy to fight them off...but at the same time I feel in an overall good mood.  I know that's screwy.  I don't want to end up doing any of that stuff.   Maybe this is my borderline personality symptoms kicking in.  I really don't know.  I don't see my psychiatrist until next week but I do see my family doctor this week so if it continues I will mention it.  That's enough about that.  It's 1:25am here but since I had a nap I'm not quite ready for sleep.  Hopefully soon though.  I'm still at my parents so it doesn't matter what time I go to sleep I still get waken up by noon.  I am hoping to tackle some decorating tomorrow.