I couldn't sleep and was feeling crappy so I did go outside.  I went to check on the cats but they aren't there and the food I left when my roommate was in the shower is still there.  I'm worried....what if they don't come back or get hurt.Earlier before I went out I was cutting.  It's still bleeding a tiny bit but I think it's okay...I think it's just the way I moved might've opened it up again.  Had a drink after I came in.  I just need to forget those kitties I think.  It'd be better for us all.  I dunno...I'm just so screwed up right now.  It's too hard trying to figure out the best thing...maybe they do have a home and if I caught them then that family would be sad.  *shrugs*  I think I just need to go and figure out a way to numb the next few days until my hormones calm down again so I don't do anything drastic.   I dunno...I dunno...I just dunno...