I ended up going out with mom for the evening.  We went for supper and then shopping at Value Village.  It was okay but I started getting really tired and the chest pain started again a bit.  Not really bad but just a bit annoying.  Overall being out was good.I'm home now and should be sleeping but I'm just feeling in a crappy mood.  I don't want to sleep or do much of anything except cut/od but I know that isn't a good option.  Trying to stay strong and not give into that stuff.  I'm suppose to go for a massage tomorrow but I'm thinking I'm going to need to cancel it or reschedule it.  I started my period today and I don't feel comfortable having the massage this soon into the cycle...don't like being touched much.  It sucks because I really want the massage otherwise but I don't think the timing is good.  I'm going to see if they will reschedule...tell them I'm still getting over pneumonia and thought I'd be feeling better but not.  It's the truth afterall and I still don't feel great.  In fact I think I might see if I can leave a messsage because I think it will keep me awake otherwise.  Didn't see the cats tonight but I think the food was gone...hard to tell in the dark.  I will check tomorrow.  My mom wants me to catch the kitten so she can see it.  She said I can't take it anywhere tell she see's it.  LOL.  That thought should make me happy but I'm having a hard time being happy tonight.Feeling very much tonight like giving up.  I think it's probably a combination of hormones, the antibiotics, being sick so long, and just the anticipation of upcoming procedures.  I can't wait until that is over with.  I'm trying so hard not to od because I finally convinced my psychiatrist that it's okay to write prescriptions for one month of meds at a time instead of 2 weeks.  If I od that will ruin that trust but damn it's hard not to give in.  I'm sure in a few days I'll feel better...this is just my hormones and situational...it still sucks though...