Feeling so anxious right now, but I am coping.  It's 10:40am right now, my appointment is at 1:30pm.  Then after that I have to go to the hospital for a chest x-ray and possibly blood work.  Actually, having said that I decided to make sure I have the req for the x-ray and I can't find it so I may not do that afterall...unless the Rheumatologist thinks I should.  In that case, she would write a new req.  Then I have time to kill after that until shortly after 6pm when I have a phone appointment with the Hematologist.  I don't know what he is going to say either....and it scares me that he has given me his private phone number.  That's not how most doctors are around here.  They almost always want you to go through a secretary and only during regular business hours unless they are on call.  This just makes me more nervous. Breathing is more comfortable today so far.  That is a good thing.  Last night I was so tired of breathing I just wanted to hold my breath and pass out...but I knew that would be silly...besides...I don't think I could hold my breath that long anymore.  I could when I was a kid, but scared myself so bad I never did it again....and couldn't if I tried.I had this messed up dream last night.  I dreamt that I was on the roof of a building that caught fire...and that I jumped off just as it started to collapse.  But I lived, and was in hospital. I wasn't overly injured or burnt but I was admitted because of my crazy whacky blood and I had to be in this special room and the nurses rubbed butter on my arms and shoulders.  It was very weird.  I was aloud out on day passes and went all over the place with family and friends but had to go to the hospital for nights.  Anyhow....I don't know what it was all about....usually I don't remember my dreams, which is probably a good thing.