I head from my Hematologist today....FINALLY.  First things first, it scares me when the doctor calls me himself and not have his receptionist make the call...that just threw me off.  Second...he says it's urgent that I go back to the Rheumatologist.  He said basically that he consulted with some other specialists and believe that my body is attacking my White Blood Cell's (WBC's) which is why they're so low.  He said the blood work has continued to show some sort of Lupus-like condition but that there are no other signs of Lupus.  So not only do I hate myself, but my body hates me too.  Anyway, he said it's possible that whatever this is might be causing the mental health problem but they don't know.  Either way they seem to feed off each other.  So, now I have an appointment in about 2 weeks to see the Rheumatologist and probably they'll start medical treatment with steroids to see if that helps bring up the WBC's.  I don't want to go on steroids.  I don't want to gain weight or deal with any of the other side effects of those.  I don't want to deal with this.  I just want to be happy and healthy...and instead I'm just sick and miserable.