This isn't good. I slept at decent hours...well 2am until about noon today. Woke up still in a horrible mood. I feel like such a waste of space right now. I keep thinking of how to end things but since I've tried so many things in the past and nothing worked I am not happy with any of the ideas I am coming up with. I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I don't know what is wrong. Nothing triggered them...except maybe time of the month. I feel so miserable. I see my psychiatrist on Friday but I dunno if I can handle waiting that long. I may end up acting on stuff before then. I know I can't get in any sooner with her though since this is her first week back from vacation. I'm so miserable. I just want to dissapear and never have to feel this way again.
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NO! You can\'t do anything!!!! I need you to stay here! You are too important to me for you to leave. Friday is not that long of a wait considering your whole intire life... Give yourself a break. I know what your going through I\'ve been there myself, and I\'ve made it through, somehow, I dont know how, but I did. Call her and leave messages... that always helped me, even if I knew she wouldn\'t get them right away I knew she would at least know how miserable I was and she would eventually call. Dnt act on anything PLEASE!!!! God sent you in my life for a reason I know it, you can get through! Pray, turn to God, he will help! I know it\'s humbeling and it makes you mad and you might not know what to say, but saying anything might help. just don\'t leave me. i love you! call me if you can.... I\'ll send you my number in a message. I\'m depending on you to stay in this mess with me. BIG HUGS!!!!!