I'm getting tired of the increasing bad days. I'm struggling tonight but I'm hoping I can sleep it off since it's bed time and I'm sleepy. I want to go back to my happy "high" that I had for like 1.5 weeks after being discharged from hospital. I have no appointments for awhile as my main support is on vacation and I won't see her until August 31! My new counsellor I don't see until like the 22/23 something like that. So many times now I have to talk myself outta cutting. I don't want to give back into those urges but I can't keep them outta my head. I am trying my hardest to keep from isolating and have been making plans to do things and go places. Still it isn't easy at all...and I'm not sure what is worse. Feeling miserable and giving in...or feeling miserable and fighting it...and fighting it....and fighting it. It's so much easier to give in but I don't really want that to be an option anymore...I just don't know how much fight I have in me. *sigh*
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Oh how much I understand exactly what you are going through... It sucks that you can\'t see anyone for awhile, maybe you could get in for a cancelation appointment if needed. It is easier to give in, but don\'t give up... feeling miserable and giving in sucks becuase you end up cutting and find ur self feeling bad becuase you cut, then your guilty and feel bad then you cut again and it\'s and endless cycle, then your more miserable and it just gets worse, but if your miserable and you fight it, then it gets a little easier over time, at least it\'s supposed to. You have much more fight in you than you think. \"High\" times come and go, they are expected to followed by lower times, just be thankful for the high times! I don\'t have much advise to give, but I am here for you and want you to know that I understand. Much love, hugs and prayer... Rachael