I'm not sure if I'm doing okay...or if it's closer to bad...but anyway... It's been a long day...I woke up way too early at 6am and couldn't get back to sleep.  So much for sleeping until 9:45am when I had my alarm set for.  *sigh*  I sort of just lazed around all morning until about 11am when I had to get ready to go out.  I had a tour of a clubhouse for people with mental health disorders/illnesses...or whatever other word you choose to use.  It was very hard to be there...I could feel myself dissociating but couldn't do anything about it.  I had a hard time keeping myself from cryinhg as well since I just felt so overwhelmed and frustrated with myself.  I went to the other sort of clubhouse that I've been a part of afterwards since it is a familiar spot and is right next door.  I have to start transitioning from one to the other because of my age.    After that I went to the library because I had a couple DVDs on hold for me...so I picked those up.  Was planning to go shopping and treat myself to something new today but I couldn't find anything I liked enough to buy so I felt kind of depressed about that.   A lot of thins were triggering for me today...the only thing I saw that I wanted to buy was blades but I told myself I couldn't get those.  I feel like smoking (I quit a couple years ago)...I felt like drinking, I felt like cutting...why am I getting those urges today...I dunno...Maybe I'm just tired....it's been a long day and I'm glad to be home so I can relax.  I am going to try and stay awake a few more hours and then go to sleep early.  It's almost 5:30pm here...so 4 more hours will be good.