What I'm sharing below is a quick rough draft (word for word) of what I wrote last night before going to bed.  I had the analogy of a maze in my head and wanted to put it on paper because I think it can probably eventually help people understand what it's like for me when I am not doing so well and also to help those who may feel the same way.  Let me know if it helps you and keep in mind this is just a rough draft. Like a Maze   I think the best way to explain things is to compare them to a self-built maze.   I build the walls of the maze, not intentionally usually, but I'm the main builder.  The walls may be things like isolation, not eating (or not eating healthily), poor choices (cutting, drinking, situational), or some other thing that may not have a healthy outcome.  Sometimes the walls may be built by others (situational) and add to the confusion of the maze.  I end up getting lost in this maze that has mostly been self-built.  Family and friends (although well-intentioned) tend to push me further into the confusing maze.  Their well-intentions may cause feelings of guilt, insecurity, and any number of other emotions.  It seems to be the third-party that is standing in the watch tower showing me how to find my way out of the maze I built.  They provide this with encouragement, structure (routine), support, and an environment that I feel less likely to make poor choices in (safer).  By the way, I very much dislike the words structure and routine.  My goal is to figure out a way to either transition the role of the family and friends into a more positive guide or to find an external third party that helps provide the needs when I am lost and unable to find my own way out.  One that hopefully doesn't involve the hospital.  It seems at this point that it takes a few days consistency to be able to get near the "exit" and I have yet to find an alternative.