got that appointment over with, thankfullyleft message on psychiatrists voice mail asking if i decide to go to hospital if i have to go through emergency or if she can do the admission.  Still waiting to hear back.   i almost sleeping pills...that's how i know i really need to break this cycle sooner rather then later.  I just want to sleep and not wake up until things are better.  I don't really want to die but I don't care if that is the result.  I just want to stop feeling like i have been.  It's been too long. While i was out today i forced myself to buy some soup.  It was actually pretty gross but i ate it because i knew my body needs it.  I'm mad though cause I burnt my tongue.  Ate a multigrain buscuit as well and even put a little butter on it.  It just tastes better that way.well i'm too tired to write anymore...i'm gonna lay down and wait to hear back from my doctor.  why do i bother