Hurt.... :(

 Today is a new day, and I am tired... I am mentally drained and I feel like I don't have a purpose her on earth. It has been really hard for me to smile. I am in pain, both physically and mentally. I don't think it is my fault that I am in that much pain, it is what is causing the pain, The cause of pain is at fault.....
I don't understand why we have to be tested each and everyday of our lives, to see if we can work ourselves back up to the top. When you hit bottom it is hard to be positive, and have a better outlook on life. Here lately my life has changed, My brother is making my life a living hell and I am so tired of it. I want him to stay out of my buisness. He is very judgemental, he can't stand gays, black people.  Six months ago he found out that I was gay, and found out I was dating a black woman. He couldn't stand the fact that I was gay and also he is racist.  He is decon of a United Baptist Church and it was the church I grew up in. He brought it before the church, and they decided to exclud me from attending the church that I grew up in. I trusted these so called Christians and they stabbed me in the back. They do not care about my feelings. Right now I am so angry at my brother, and I hope it comes back on him.
I have had so much anger built up toward him, and if I run into him out in public, I want to beat the heck out of him for what he did to me, but I can't afford to go to jail. What should I do? Should I come up with a plan to get revenge on him, or should I give it to God?
Any sugestions??