Yesterday
So, it looks like I will never have time to write out everything that has happened, but I will just give you an example of yesterday. Sophia had to fast from Sunday night until her Upper GI and bowel scan, which is EXTREMELY hard for her because an empty stomach exacerbates her GERD. By the time we left (late) at 5 a.m., she was BEGGING for even a sip of water and crying that her chest was HOT and hurting.
When we got there, they strapped her to a 5" wide board...with her arms stretched as far as they could go over her head...strapped the wrists...her head was in a brace and strapped down...and several more straps all the way down her. NOTHING given to relax her. Then, while she screamed that her back was hurting and her chest hurt, they shoved 6 oz of Barium into her throat...she gagged & vomited and they kept working at it. Once it was in, they lifted the board up and rotated her, like she was on a rotisserie to take different Xrays.
They had to wait until the Barium went from her MOUTH to her DIAPER...about 4 hours. 4 hours of hell.
I don't have time to look back at last week. I will just say that the ONLY "progress" of sorts that we have is that they told us that Sophia's intestines may herniate and kill her at any time. Not exactly easy to process.
And I'm trying to run last minute funeral errands on NO sleep and a frazzled nerve.
We were told to get a white cloth to cover Matthew's coffin while it is in the church, so I stopped by a Christian supply store, hoping to find one with a cross on it. I cried when I explained what I needed this for and explained that we miscarried our baby. The IDIOT WOMAN SALESPERSON said, "BE happy! The baby is with Jesus! Don't cry!!" So, I sobbed more and said, "We KNOW he is with Jesus and we are happy for HIM, but WE are sad for US...He is OUR BABY and we MISS HIM...we thought we were going to get to hold him, and feed him and love him and raise him.!" She continued saying stupid things...then asked me how long he lived after he was born...EVEN THOUGH I HAD TOLD HER THAT WE WERE ONLY 9 WEEKS PREGNANT when he died inside me! She asked agonizing insane details, and for some reason (the Holy Spirit) I remained patient (though crying) and answered everything.
Finally, she asked what we did with the baby's body when he came out and I told her about Jason having to give Matthew his bath's to preserve his body for a while. ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE "GOT IT"!!! She broke down sobbing and asked a few GENTLE, SWEET, TENDER questions. Pretty soon, she said how SAD she was for our loss...and she even asked if she could come to his funeral. Of course, I said "yes."
I also told her that as an employee at a Christian store, she is kind of in a ministry...that it is so important for a grieving family to hear SADNESS at their loss...even when they understand the joy of Heaven. She said she understands it now and I sure hope she does! I guess it was worth that torturous conversation if I can spare another woman that kind of exchange. SHEESH.
Well, I'm off to cry some more. Can't seem to stop that again. Probably another AF ready to strike, which should just about kill me. I called my OBGYN today and told her I can't handle another period without a forewarning...so, I asked if she could order a serum pregnancy test, so I can be prepared. After more medical crud with Sophia, I will swing by the lab tomorrow for that. I love LOVE LOVE my OBGYN.
One day I hope to write a really happy, upbeat, funny entry. You guys may not know it, but the "REAL" me is actually pretty hilarious and sweet. LOL You just can't tell right now. (Oh, and I'm ever so humble, too...) lol
When we got there, they strapped her to a 5" wide board...with her arms stretched as far as they could go over her head...strapped the wrists...her head was in a brace and strapped down...and several more straps all the way down her. NOTHING given to relax her. Then, while she screamed that her back was hurting and her chest hurt, they shoved 6 oz of Barium into her throat...she gagged & vomited and they kept working at it. Once it was in, they lifted the board up and rotated her, like she was on a rotisserie to take different Xrays.
They had to wait until the Barium went from her MOUTH to her DIAPER...about 4 hours. 4 hours of hell.
I don't have time to look back at last week. I will just say that the ONLY "progress" of sorts that we have is that they told us that Sophia's intestines may herniate and kill her at any time. Not exactly easy to process.
And I'm trying to run last minute funeral errands on NO sleep and a frazzled nerve.
We were told to get a white cloth to cover Matthew's coffin while it is in the church, so I stopped by a Christian supply store, hoping to find one with a cross on it. I cried when I explained what I needed this for and explained that we miscarried our baby. The IDIOT WOMAN SALESPERSON said, "BE happy! The baby is with Jesus! Don't cry!!" So, I sobbed more and said, "We KNOW he is with Jesus and we are happy for HIM, but WE are sad for US...He is OUR BABY and we MISS HIM...we thought we were going to get to hold him, and feed him and love him and raise him.!" She continued saying stupid things...then asked me how long he lived after he was born...EVEN THOUGH I HAD TOLD HER THAT WE WERE ONLY 9 WEEKS PREGNANT when he died inside me! She asked agonizing insane details, and for some reason (the Holy Spirit) I remained patient (though crying) and answered everything.
Finally, she asked what we did with the baby's body when he came out and I told her about Jason having to give Matthew his bath's to preserve his body for a while. ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE "GOT IT"!!! She broke down sobbing and asked a few GENTLE, SWEET, TENDER questions. Pretty soon, she said how SAD she was for our loss...and she even asked if she could come to his funeral. Of course, I said "yes."
I also told her that as an employee at a Christian store, she is kind of in a ministry...that it is so important for a grieving family to hear SADNESS at their loss...even when they understand the joy of Heaven. She said she understands it now and I sure hope she does! I guess it was worth that torturous conversation if I can spare another woman that kind of exchange. SHEESH.
Well, I'm off to cry some more. Can't seem to stop that again. Probably another AF ready to strike, which should just about kill me. I called my OBGYN today and told her I can't handle another period without a forewarning...so, I asked if she could order a serum pregnancy test, so I can be prepared. After more medical crud with Sophia, I will swing by the lab tomorrow for that. I love LOVE LOVE my OBGYN.
One day I hope to write a really happy, upbeat, funny entry. You guys may not know it, but the "REAL" me is actually pretty hilarious and sweet. LOL You just can't tell right now. (Oh, and I'm ever so humble, too...) lol
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