random thoughts
No one ever asks you if you WANT to siurvive or not. They just asssume that you have an obligation to do what you can every day.
Everyone tries to be as understanding and supportive as possible. No one says, "Are you going to get this done, or are you goingn to get that done....?" No, rather, it's more like, "Are you reading?" "Mmmm hmmm" is my vague reply. "Cool".
Anything Ican do each day is met with support and encouragement. ANd I realize how much Ifeel like a chid who can't really be relied on for anything-----well, not very much at any rate.
How do you keep going when you don't even know who the bad guys even are?
ANd really what I do every day is try to avoid dangerous people----if only I knew who they were.
Each day is mostly abotu surviving and staying safe----being on my guard so that the past does not happen again. And keeping Josh safe.
Therapist have told me that it's over------that I survived. But they can't tell you if there is a chance that they will find you again and kidnap you and it all starts all over again.
Knowing that I will never know who those people even were leaves me realizing that there is no way to know for sure......
So I hide mostly....coming out on occassion to try to act like I am a normal person and fit in with everyone else.......
I will try to write more later.....having thoughts is new for me though, so this may take some time......
Everyone tries to be as understanding and supportive as possible. No one says, "Are you going to get this done, or are you goingn to get that done....?" No, rather, it's more like, "Are you reading?" "Mmmm hmmm" is my vague reply. "Cool".
Anything Ican do each day is met with support and encouragement. ANd I realize how much Ifeel like a chid who can't really be relied on for anything-----well, not very much at any rate.
How do you keep going when you don't even know who the bad guys even are?
ANd really what I do every day is try to avoid dangerous people----if only I knew who they were.
Each day is mostly abotu surviving and staying safe----being on my guard so that the past does not happen again. And keeping Josh safe.
Therapist have told me that it's over------that I survived. But they can't tell you if there is a chance that they will find you again and kidnap you and it all starts all over again.
Knowing that I will never know who those people even were leaves me realizing that there is no way to know for sure......
So I hide mostly....coming out on occassion to try to act like I am a normal person and fit in with everyone else.......
I will try to write more later.....having thoughts is new for me though, so this may take some time......
Replies
I don\'t know your full story Heidi, It sounds traumatic. I know that some days are better than others for you. You are such a lovely lady. I am sure you will work through this.
You are in my thoughts and prayers sweet lady. Hugs GB
And go with your gut when it comes to trusting others. It speaks volumes!!
it is very good that you put these thoughts in here ..they are very important ...questions ........and you do need some one to give you some kind of answer ..........the question ..is ...what is tha answer .........................................................I think asking if you want to survive ..is a good ..question to ask in order to make a good digonices .....so that the doctor realy understands ware you are .....in the depreshion ...how far dowen you are ...........................................families just think you need to get better for them ..but it is mostly because they love you ..and see the changes in you even if they don\'t understand.....about depreshion and may say all the wrong things ...............................................................................................................................second question ...is a little deferent ...you are lucky in that ..they care enough to realy try to be understanding and supportive ...in this situation ....you could ask they to go with you to some of your councling or if you are seeing a coin lure ....so he .she ..can ..educate then about depreshion ..and talk about the things they are doing ..that are not heppling you and the things that are helping .you ...I did this with my h ...and it made life much easer ........................................third question .....this is a little harder but you have to start to think just a little diferant ly ......first you have to rember you are sick ...depreshion is a desease .....that needes ...to be treated ....and ..the nature of it is to be very negative ..so depreshion is all about negative energies ..negate thoughts ...negative ...emotions ..... ....so feeling like a child ...who can\'t be relied on for not much ...that is the depreshion at work ....instead you need to say to your self ..I have an illness ...and this causes me to not be able to do the things I would like to do ...so I do what I can ..and strive to do better .....................and ..in this situation you need to be looking after your self ...and not thinking about what everyone else is thinking ...because that isent going to help you get better it will just sink you under .........................................................forth question ...........there comes a time when you just have too make some very dificult decisions ............are you. going to let. these few bad people dictate ..how you live your life ...you have to decide ...to trust and trust once broken is very dificult to get back but it can be done .....so ..little by little this is somthing you schould work on ..because if you don\'t ...you run the risk of getting house bound ...ware you can\'t go out of your house ...alone .. At all .............................................................................................number five ....we have great intuition ....that we ..often fail to use ....but in this case ..if you wast to tell the bad gies ....from the good gies ....you need to trust your intuition ....your heart ....and ...keep doing what you are doing like making sure you are not in situations that would possibly ..not be a good. Place to be ......and keeping our children safe is always on the very top ..of the list ...what a mother won\'t do for there child .....and there are mane ways to do that as I am sure you know .......................................................................number six ...............it is unfortunate ......that if they never caught ..who ever kidnaped you ......that thought will be on your mind ...you could also look at it that because of your case being worked .....who ever he was does not want to get caught so he won\'t go back to you ....these are very painfull ..emotions ..that realy need to. come out ..you can\'t keep them inside .not if you want to heal .....if you want you need to talk ..and everything that is pain in you must come out .....it might hurt comming out but nothing like it will mess you up if you keep it bode led up ...the corl is going to blow at some point you want to avoid that at all costs ..................................I think for some one who just having new thoughts ...you are asking some very important questions .........I hope this was all ok for you ...and that I did not say any thing that ..hurt or up set you it was not my intention ....so take very good care of your self ...sending you my love ...and. light ...and a big hug ....God bless