I know better than this. No good can ever come of it but here I sit at 11:11pm. I should be in bed but I'm just sitting here thinking the "what ifs." What if I had sat the doctors down when I felt the need to tell them that I did not think they were doing enough to save Jeff's life. What if when I "had that feeling" and thought about telling Jeff NOT to have the transplant? My gut instinct tried to tell me to turn around and run and I ignored it. What if. It has been well over 2 years now. Am I going to have these "what ifs" for the rest of my life? I guess I'll go out and wake up one of his brothers. They'll help me feel better. That or piss me off!
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I don\'t know if the \"what ifs\" every go away. I\'m approaching the 2 year mark and they seem to be stronger this second year than they were the first. Hope you were able to get some sleep. *Hug* Adrianne
I deal with \"what if\"s too. Everyday I replay the day my son was dying when I thought he was dealing with back pain and that the pain would soon be relieved. I\'m trying to train my mind NOT to go there. I quickly get up and start doing something or focus on anything I can find on the tv. I tell myself that I truly had no idea that he was mortally ill, would have rushed him to the hospital if I knew that. But I still have those thoughts. Someone said that maybe this is way of keeping up the connection. But I\'d have the connection anyway!
Just try your best not to let your thoughts go there. It\'s hard, but necessary. You can lose your mind with these thoughts.
I think the \"gut instinct\" was really fear. I don\'t know. I had my son go through an experimental surgery that I had a gut instinct telling me no once. Everyone around me said, \"How could you not (have him have this surgery)?\" It had promise for him. The surgery failed and created further damage to his spine. Was it my \"gut\"? Or was it fear? I don\'t know. But when presented with HOPE we try to snatch it. This surgery impacted the rest of his life. I stopped punishing myself over that in time. Now I am dealing with something else!
Just hang in there. Perhaps you are \"trying to keep up the connection\" as has been suggested to me.
Peace and love to you!
Susannah
I read your profile again and it reminded me that I used to recite the Lord\'s Prayer as you do. Slowly and focused. It is like a meditation. I need to do that now! I find I just say a simple prayer, usually, \"Dear God, help me and take my son, Jim, into your love.\"
i too do the what ifs, what if Troy had come home that nite, instread of going back to his job in the mountains, what if there hadnt been a deer in the road as we are suspecting.........i also do the should have\'s , should have been me instead.........should not happen to your child, you should go before your child.......
i too do the what ifs, what if Troy had come home that nite, instread of going back to his job in the mountains, what if there hadnt been a deer in the road as we are suspecting.........i also do the should have\'s , should have been me instead.........should not happen to your child, you should go before your child.......
I have about decided that we will probably always do the \"what if\" game. I think it is part of letting ourselves \"go there\". Like you said...it does no good, but I think that periodically we need to do it...it is still a part of our grieving. We fight off our gut emotions to try and stay sane...but some times I think we need to be \"insane\" and truly go there. I hope that one of your boys helped you...and that you rested last night...love to you...Karen
I think the \"what if\'s\" will always be there and as hard as we try, we seem to always go back there. But as Karen said, it is still part of our grieving and maybe it helps us to work thru it. Sending you thoughts of peace.....Hugs, Kim
I hope your son\'s gave you the comfort you need. I struggled with the what\'s If\'s for so many years, I thought I\'d lose my mind. After 14 yrs. it still enters my mind but not as often. Karen said it, it is still part of our grieving. Wishing you peace. HUgs, Pat
wow I now what your talking about . The what if\'s kill me every day and even more the day my son past. Tomorow is the 8th I can\'t stand the 8th of the month anymore. thats really when the what if\'s come. here is a big hug from me
It has been 3 years for me & the what if\'s still come - not a frequently but they are still there - you are so right no goods ever cones from what iffing - but we do it anyway. Have a gentle weekend & enjoy...Hugs, Ann
Ever since my grandma died 3 years ago I have had the what if\'s alot.Hang in there I\'m here for you
I will have the \"what-if\'s\" for the rest of my life, but I can\'t change them now. I send you tons of hugs and love, Belinda
I truly believe we will always have the \"what if\'s\". It must be some type of coping mechanism because we all have them. As we fight back tears, swallow hard and try to be happy again, I think the \"what if\'s\" will become less frequent. Remember you did your best. Love to you. Robin
After 2 1/2 years, the what if\'s still enter my mind occassionally. But with them come a calmer realization that in my pondering the what if\'s, I find I could not have changed anything, and therefore the agony of having not done things differently is lessened. We must also remind ourselves in these moments, that even if the outcome could have been different, we are not to blame for what happened to our kids. I love you!
I still deal with the what ifs after 3 years and I\'ve decided we probably always will . I know in my heart that regardless of how much we what if the end result will stay the same and somehow that makes me able to control them. We truly had no control over what our kids did and therefore we are not at fault. Love and hugs Cathy