I know better than this. No good can ever come of it but here I sit at 11:11pm. I should be in bed but I'm just sitting here thinking the "what ifs." What if I had sat the doctors down when I felt the need to tell them that I did not think they were doing enough to save Jeff's life. What if when I "had that feeling" and thought about telling Jeff NOT to have the transplant? My gut instinct tried to tell me to turn around and run and I ignored it. What if. It has been well over 2 years now. Am I going to have these "what ifs" for the rest of my life? I guess I'll go out and wake up one of his brothers. They'll help me feel better. That or piss me off!