OK. This is not going to be a fun question and if you are having an emotional week like I am please do not read this journal. If you are hardened a little, please read on. When it was time to let Jeff go I wanted to pull the plastic tube out of his throat. He hated it more than I have ever seen him hate anything. They would not let me take it out nor would they take it out for me. i AM FREAKING OUT at work right now because Jeff had to die with that stupid thing in his throat. I have nightmares about the bubbles of blood that gurgled up the tube when Jeff took his last breath. I just kept telling him to go with God. Gotta try to work now.
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Colleen, I am definitely having an emotional week too, but I have to try to help you with this. First, I know all about that tube. Chris also hated it every time he had his heart surgeries. But, soon after it was out, the remembering was not quite as bad. Second, Jeff probably was not feeling any pain at this point. God has taken him to a place where there is no memories of any pain, nor of anything bad, nor sorrow. Everything is good now and Jeff is at peace and does not remember any of that bad stuff. Only the good memories. We are promised this. I pray you will find peace with this and the nightmares will be gone. Love, Kim
Whatever our children went through pryor to their death we will never know. I think that periodically we have to go through it in our mind, feel the pain, cry our tears...because we are still processing everything. Then, we do what we do, and block our thoughts from going there...and decide that as much as it sucks that our child is gone, that they no longer suffer. Love to you...Karen
I chose not to see my son after I was informed of his death. Sometimes that decision haunts me, other times, I\'m glad I made that decision because I remember him just as the last time I saw him. I\'m sure those memories of the last time you saw Jeff are gut wrenching. You can only focus on better times my friend. I\'m sorry they left that tube in. I\'m a nurse but not sure why unless it was to keep him from aspirating and having a rougher time. Love to you. Robin
Colleen,
You were there with him, he knew it, he did not die alone and was with loved ones. You did the very best you could for him.
I torture myself because Daren died alone in a violent truck crash and fire. his vehicle flew into a ravine and exploded. He was gone in an instant, I know...but I go there in my mind and ask myself those horrible questions a mother asks...how long did he endure before passing? was he scared? was it painful? was he unconscious?...I think that I know the answers, and I know that I should not have to forgive myself...but I go there...
My situation was like Robins in a lot of ways. There was no body to view (corner would not permit it--probably a good thing--I would not want to have remembered him that way)--So my last memories were conversations, hugs, tussled my hair and a smelly fart...lol Yes, a fart. He was leaving an farted...and he laughed so hard as it was a bad one...he was so proud of it...he yelled over his shoulder that it was so bad it will smell next weekend when he came over to visit...boys! (it did smell for a long time!!! lol)
Love you--take care,
Ann
I\'m sure Jeff left long before anything like that happened. Jesus would not let them suffer. Please let it go, it will make you ill. Look who\'s giving advice. Love and hugs Cathy