Sthrnbell48 captured it on my last journal. I have been wondering why I freak out so badly when I run across somthing of Jeff's when it actually makes me happy to have his things around. She said that the hurt is so big because the love is so great. Sounds so simple put that way but I just never came up with it. Thanks Bellie! Saturday I called the hotline. I was pretty bad off. I know Icould have called Dawn. I still have Ann's # but I called the hotline. They wanted to come and pick me up and take me to the psychiatric urgent care center. I probably should have gone but the company that they contract with to transport in that instance is the company that I work for. I refused for obvious reasons. The police were called to do a welfare check. Most embarassing. I'm all better now.
Replies
Colleen...we are here if you need us to talk to...I may not have answers, but, I do listen. It will be OK. Have you seen the doctor for some anxiety medication? Or at least discuss issues with them.
I like the analogy---hurts so big because the love is so great...yes, that nails it doesn\'t it...I would add that the hole is deep and has to heal from the inside out...this takes time. Just one breath at a time, one moment at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time...it is too much to worry about a lifetime without our child.
After \"the time\" has passed you will be able to just steer around \"the times\" that are especially difficult for you...it will happen. You are stronger than you think and so wise...
Take care & call when you need to.
Ann
Ann
Colleen, I\'m so sorry you had such a hard time but I\'m happy you were aware and recognized that you needed something you couldn\'t do for yourself at that particular time and that you called for assistance. Don\'t ever be embarrassed because it shows you have the will and the desire to keep going, you just have a hard time like we all do. I think it was Ethel Kennedy who said (you know the Kennedys have had lots of loss in their family) but she said it best, \"your broken heart just fills in with scar tissue.\" It\'s so true, we will always have this wound of a broken heart and over time (a long time) it will heal just like a physical wound with scar tissue. It may not look pretty but it will function. We will function again, we will have obstacles like you had along the way but we progress. I\'ve always thought the same, that we hurt so much because we love so much and there\'s nothing wrong with loving. Here for you friend. Much love. Robin
Oh Colleen...I am glad that you are better...but always reach out to us...remember WE understand...I am also so glad that if you didn\'t want to call Ann or Dawn that you knew you could call the hotline...I am proud of you. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing...love to you my friend...Karen
Oh, sweetheart! What are we going to do with you? We are all here for you - never mind the time of day or night. I, too, am glad that you called the hotline, but wish you had called one of us instead. I doubt that there is anyone at the hotline who would understand so completely what you\'re going through. That\'s the reason why we have each other: for support! Support isn\'t for the good times. Support is for the times when you know you are in deep trouble, losing your grip, and need someone who absolutely understands how you\'re feeling. All you have to do is hold out a hand and there will be a line of women who love you reaching for it. After all: you are always there for the rest of us! All my love to you, beautiful friend - Barbara
Colleen sorry you are struggling so badly right now. I\'m here for you and will be as you need. Know you have my support and prayers and will do anything I can too help. Love and hugs Cathy