Sthrnbell48 captured it on my last journal. I have been wondering why I freak out so badly when I run across somthing of Jeff's when it actually makes me happy to have his things around. She said that the hurt is so big because the love is so great. Sounds so simple put that way but I just never came up with it. Thanks Bellie!  Saturday I called the hotline. I was pretty bad off. I know Icould have called Dawn. I still have Ann's # but I called the hotline. They wanted to come and pick me up and take me to the psychiatric urgent care center. I probably should have gone but the company that they contract with to transport in that instance is the company that I work for. I refused for obvious reasons. The police were called to do a welfare check. Most embarassing. I'm all better now.