So I know what's wrong with me now. My bladder is too small and it contracts whenever it pleases. Nothing to do really with if I need to pee or not, just whenever it takes a fancy to. I don't really understand this part. Stress is causing the sphincter that opens up to allow you to urinate to tighten up every time  I try to go. This is crazy! I've never heard of such a thing. It causes many infections and other uncomfortable dramas.    Doc actually told me to quit my job. He told me to get rid of the stressors before I have a heart attack. Doesn't he understand that without that job I can't have insurance or pay my copay? I am not educated. I have few job skills. This company pays me twice what anyone else in town thinks I'm worth and they have benefits and a 401k. So unless Uncle Doctor wants to adopt me I'm a company girl.   I also have somthing wrong with my belly button. Some hernia thing. I'm noteven sure what that's all about. The kidney issue we will watch to see if anything changes.   So I will go back ti see the doc in two minths and if I have not done anything to rid the stressors from my life he will put me on valium so that I can pee well. I told him to just give me the valium now please but he wouldn't go for it.   Wow. this is a very long journal for me. Yesterday was a very bad day for me. You know, Jeff's six months. So I needed to calm down a little. I took an ativan. After a while I took another. Then I took a percocet because I just wanted to relax and stop crying. Then I took one of my husband's trazadones, just one. Then I started realizing what I was doing. I got very afraid. I swear,I wasn't trying to kill myself, hell, there's certainly enough drugs here to do the job. I was just trying to get the edge off, you know?   After a while I got pretty paranoid, then Igot stressed about that. I just can't win. I am a little better today than I was yesterday. Thank you all for being here. I love you all.