Anger
Of all the five stages of grief, I think that "anger" is the nastiest, least productive of them all. And the last couple of days, I have been filled with it. In researching "anger" as it relates to grieving, I came upon this definition:
Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy."
The key words for me are "misplaced", "envy, "resentment", and "jealousy". You see, I've spent the past couple of days feeling a lot of misplaced resentment, envy and jealousy directed towards just about everyone, but particularly my good friends here at Daily Strength. And it's something that I'm not very proud of.
I would get up in the morning and visit with God and all the good stuff that I do each morning, and then I would go to my computer and check in with the discussions here at DS. And then the devil and his anger would assault my psyche and I would say to myself something on the order of, "what in hell are these people talking about? Using an f-ing power drill? Squawking about being asked on a date? Kissed by butterflies?? Good lord, man, I just got screwed by God Himself, and these guys are talking about going to college???"
At least I had the good sense to keep the devil from getting me to respond in the public forum with the venom he was putting in my mouth. The devil and misplaced anger are nasty, nasty things, indeed.
So I would crawl back on my bed and crack open the two books I have been reading: "30 Days Through the Bible", and "30 Days With Jesus". Both books are designed to get you through the highlights of the Bible, and the life of Jesus Christ in 30 days, if you read a chapter a day. I was behind a couple days, and now I'm caught back up.
Of particular interest to me has been the story of Job, who "had it all" in his life and then lost it. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away", he would say. When his health was taken from him he finally dared to question God, and essentially, God answered him that He owed no one any explanation because they wouldn't understand it anyway. He was God, and God knows what He's doing. Basically, you are either with Him or you are against Him. I think it's called "faith". And the devil has been challenging mine.
So this morning, my anger is diminishing, although some is still there. The devil is a persistant dude. But the anger is being replaced by a certain amount of humility, and humility is a good thing. When I came to my computer, there was a message from one of my DS friends waiting in my message box. It wasn't a message of grief; it wasn't a plea for help. It was a message from a friend to a friend simply asking about what I enjoyed doing with my time. What my hobbies were. He then went on to tell me of himself, and the things he liked to do. The stuff that FRIENDS talk to one another about. And I am humbled.
Another friend had sent me a "cyber-present" late last night. And I think this present came in the form of the message found in my message box from the afore-mentioned friend. I've said before that I believe that DS is "magical" place, and this seems to bear that out for me.
So, to all of my good friends here, please forgive the snarkiness that my anger has wrought. Although I did not express any of it publicly, I did express it in my indifference towards and disdain for the discussions currently being held on the site. Of course learning how to use power tools that used to intimidate you is important. And of course you should be on guard against the jerks that prey upon the widowed. And of course I see the beauty and significance of being blessed by the kiss of a butterfly in the spiritual sense. And returning to college is a wonderful way to continue to live. And the devil and his anger be damned.
So as my journey of grief continues on it's twisting and turning path, I am so very grateful that I do not have to travel alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7TpMejadLo&feature=related
ANGELS AMONG US
I was walking home from school on a cold winter's dayTook a shortcut through the woods and I lost my wayIt was getting late and I was scared and aloneThen a kind old man took my hand and led me homeMama couldn't see him, but he was standing thereBut I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayersOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of loveWhen life dealt troubled times and had me down on my kneesThere's always been someone there to come along and comfort meA kind word from a stranger to lend a helping handA phone call from a friend just to say I understandAin't it kind of funny at the dark end of the roadSomeone lights the way with just a single ray of hopeOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of loveThey wear so many faces Show up in the strangest placesGrace us with thier mercyIn our time of needOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of love
Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy."
The key words for me are "misplaced", "envy, "resentment", and "jealousy". You see, I've spent the past couple of days feeling a lot of misplaced resentment, envy and jealousy directed towards just about everyone, but particularly my good friends here at Daily Strength. And it's something that I'm not very proud of.
I would get up in the morning and visit with God and all the good stuff that I do each morning, and then I would go to my computer and check in with the discussions here at DS. And then the devil and his anger would assault my psyche and I would say to myself something on the order of, "what in hell are these people talking about? Using an f-ing power drill? Squawking about being asked on a date? Kissed by butterflies?? Good lord, man, I just got screwed by God Himself, and these guys are talking about going to college???"
At least I had the good sense to keep the devil from getting me to respond in the public forum with the venom he was putting in my mouth. The devil and misplaced anger are nasty, nasty things, indeed.
So I would crawl back on my bed and crack open the two books I have been reading: "30 Days Through the Bible", and "30 Days With Jesus". Both books are designed to get you through the highlights of the Bible, and the life of Jesus Christ in 30 days, if you read a chapter a day. I was behind a couple days, and now I'm caught back up.
Of particular interest to me has been the story of Job, who "had it all" in his life and then lost it. "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away", he would say. When his health was taken from him he finally dared to question God, and essentially, God answered him that He owed no one any explanation because they wouldn't understand it anyway. He was God, and God knows what He's doing. Basically, you are either with Him or you are against Him. I think it's called "faith". And the devil has been challenging mine.
So this morning, my anger is diminishing, although some is still there. The devil is a persistant dude. But the anger is being replaced by a certain amount of humility, and humility is a good thing. When I came to my computer, there was a message from one of my DS friends waiting in my message box. It wasn't a message of grief; it wasn't a plea for help. It was a message from a friend to a friend simply asking about what I enjoyed doing with my time. What my hobbies were. He then went on to tell me of himself, and the things he liked to do. The stuff that FRIENDS talk to one another about. And I am humbled.
Another friend had sent me a "cyber-present" late last night. And I think this present came in the form of the message found in my message box from the afore-mentioned friend. I've said before that I believe that DS is "magical" place, and this seems to bear that out for me.
So, to all of my good friends here, please forgive the snarkiness that my anger has wrought. Although I did not express any of it publicly, I did express it in my indifference towards and disdain for the discussions currently being held on the site. Of course learning how to use power tools that used to intimidate you is important. And of course you should be on guard against the jerks that prey upon the widowed. And of course I see the beauty and significance of being blessed by the kiss of a butterfly in the spiritual sense. And returning to college is a wonderful way to continue to live. And the devil and his anger be damned.
So as my journey of grief continues on it's twisting and turning path, I am so very grateful that I do not have to travel alone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7TpMejadLo&feature=related
ANGELS AMONG US
I was walking home from school on a cold winter's dayTook a shortcut through the woods and I lost my wayIt was getting late and I was scared and aloneThen a kind old man took my hand and led me homeMama couldn't see him, but he was standing thereBut I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayersOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of loveWhen life dealt troubled times and had me down on my kneesThere's always been someone there to come along and comfort meA kind word from a stranger to lend a helping handA phone call from a friend just to say I understandAin't it kind of funny at the dark end of the roadSomeone lights the way with just a single ray of hopeOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of loveThey wear so many faces Show up in the strangest placesGrace us with thier mercyIn our time of needOh I believe there are angels among usSent down to us from somewhere up aboveThey come to you and me in our darkest hoursTo show us how to liveTo teach us how to giveTo guide us with a light of love
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