Struggling

I have never really told anyone in any detail about my obsession with online shopping, especially eBay shopping.  A few times I've tried to tell someone I felt I could talk to, but it just doesn't work and I end up feeling embarrassed and wondering if I just gave the impression that I'm a lunatic.  I have enough problems the way it is without having people give me odd looks.
I wake up every morning with the urge to shop for my doll collection.  There may be a dozen things I actually NEED to buy, but they always take a back seat to the doll collection.  Little by little, I'm beginning to get a clearer picture of this addiction.  I'm identifying more of my triggers and reasons why I go online to shop.  When I say "reasons" I mean more like "excuses" or even situations that make me feel like I can't cope, so I get a powerful urge to feel better by buying something.  But here's the thing--buying something online now HURTS.  Once I was unaware of how much money I spent, if I wanted something.  I didn't care.  But now, I've become sort of hyper-aware of how much money I'm wasting.  I'm paying attention to my bank statements and credit card statements, and seeing those long lists of stuff I've bought just about give me panic attacks.  I still have a terrible time stopping myself from going and looking at all the doll stuff, but when I make a move to bid, or buy, I almost freak out.  This is a good thing, as far as it keeps me from spending, but I still can spend hours just sitting at the computer staring at screen after screen of merchandise, AND I'M SICK OF WASTING ALL THOSE HOURS!!  It's almost as bad as actually wasting tons of money.  I want to do other things for a change, I NEED to do other things, but my addicted brain keeps trying to drag me back to the computer to look!  Even though I just go over the same merchandise again and again until I'm sick of it.  I honestly believe that, because I was so self-indulgent for so long, looking for hours and spending without giving it a thought, my unconscious brain came to believe this was something I needed to do in order to survive.  So now, when I try to break the habit, my brain hits the panic button and tries to MAKE me shop--and often, it succeeds.  Even though my thinking, conscious brain knows better.  And I do still spend, a little here, a little there, but now I realize how it adds up and makes me live from paycheck to paycheck.  When I can finally get myself to stop looking at stuff online--that's my immediate goal--much of the urge to buy things will stop, too.  I know it will, because I used to spend hours looking through catalogs before I got a computer.  Now, I still get catalogs, and I look through them a little bit, but then I either toss them or put them aside with a page or two folded down if I see something I think I could use.  Most of the time, though, I forget all about them, then wind up throwing them all out when I clean. 
If only I could fold down a page or two on my computer, then put it away and forget about it!!