Life is finally finding an even pace. School and homework with three of them is a challenge but they all seem to have found a routine that works. No after school things going on just yet as I still haven't found the energy to begin that again. Not a bad thing as it creates less stress and I think that needs to be a goal for this year.
About a month ago I hit the wall and my brother and I worked it out so that on Sunday nights he comes and watches the kids and I know that I will have time out of the house to be something other than Mom. I have been able to reconnect with old friends and have even found a meeting that I enjoy.
It has been a long time since I have been able to haunt the halls and it felt like coming home. Towards the end of the meeting I had tears in my eyes because it felt so good to be there. Part of me was sad that my husband could never get the sobriety that we all deserve but I understand that he made his choices as we all have to do. I remember in my first year my sponsor telling me that you can't work someone else's program and I truly understand that. It was nice to share phone numbers with new friends that are old friends at the same time.
I am moving forward in my choice of professin and it feels strange and good all at the same time to focus on me. I don't think I have ever really done that before. I have made choices for myself based on what was before me and I did the best I could with the information that I had. But this is different. This is me deciding what the choices will be based on what is important to me. Not compromising that choice to keep the peace. I did that a lot. Now I don't.
There are many things that are important to me that I can live now and not just talk about. That feels good as well.
The kids are doing well because I am doing well and life goes on and changes. The changes can be hard but they are good. I can accept the things I cannot change today and I look for the courage to change the things I can. Courage to me meaning being afraid and moving ahead in spite of the fear.
About a month ago I hit the wall and my brother and I worked it out so that on Sunday nights he comes and watches the kids and I know that I will have time out of the house to be something other than Mom. I have been able to reconnect with old friends and have even found a meeting that I enjoy.
It has been a long time since I have been able to haunt the halls and it felt like coming home. Towards the end of the meeting I had tears in my eyes because it felt so good to be there. Part of me was sad that my husband could never get the sobriety that we all deserve but I understand that he made his choices as we all have to do. I remember in my first year my sponsor telling me that you can't work someone else's program and I truly understand that. It was nice to share phone numbers with new friends that are old friends at the same time.
I am moving forward in my choice of professin and it feels strange and good all at the same time to focus on me. I don't think I have ever really done that before. I have made choices for myself based on what was before me and I did the best I could with the information that I had. But this is different. This is me deciding what the choices will be based on what is important to me. Not compromising that choice to keep the peace. I did that a lot. Now I don't.
There are many things that are important to me that I can live now and not just talk about. That feels good as well.
The kids are doing well because I am doing well and life goes on and changes. The changes can be hard but they are good. I can accept the things I cannot change today and I look for the courage to change the things I can. Courage to me meaning being afraid and moving ahead in spite of the fear.
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