Today I feel as though I haven't survived any of what has happened in the last two years.  I know from a day to day life standpoint I have.  I do what needs to be done and I function but I am not the same person anymore.   It is making me think that some of the grief I am dealing with is the loss of me and the loss of what I thought life was going to be and supposed to be.  It is like the game board changed and I can't find the pieces anymore.  I know this all sounds strange and it feels strange to me as well.   The more time goes by, the more things change, the more I change, the more out of my element I feel.  It is not necessarily a bad thing it is just keeping me a bit off balance.  I have also needed to feel a sense of control and had a hard time letting go.  This is all pushing me to learn to let go and to understand that I don't have control over people, places and things and all I can do is the best I can for me in a day. I know it is a basic premise of recovery as well and the longer I am away from a drink the closer I am which keeps me going back to basics.  Basics is what got me sober and has kept me sober so I guess continually going full circle is what has to happen and it will be a good thing for me. Just don't like feeling off balance so much.  I know I am okay just probably dealing with fear of the unknown now that everything I knew and was comfortable with has changed.